I'm the gambler and risk taker.(I think?)

If I was in the hospital,would you run to my side? If you were in the hospital I would run to your side I wouldn't think twice. It's things like that make you think, if you were in the hospital you would want someone who cares about you right at your side even if your not with that person. But the real question is why aren't you with that person? WHY AREN'T YOU WITH THAT PERSON? If you care so much about that person your are running to why aren't you running to them everyday? I have that question to answer every minute.

Julie Powell and Sara Johnson, So similar.

I just got done watching Julie/Julia for the 3rd ish time and I find that Julie Powell and I are one in the same. Sort of. I like her (pre Julie/Julia project) can not finsih anything not because I don't want to.... maybe a little, I don't want to or it's more like I have no passion put into it so why finish it! We have/had nervous breakdowns about trying to finish things and dissapointing ourselves and others, when really all our loved ones are proud of us no matter how many times we piss, bitch, and moan. Sweet right! It doesn't matter if we loose our way for a moment or two we find our way back to the kindness deep in our hearts. We as well major/will be majoring in theatre and love to do creative writting even if it doesn't make sense and is all about ourselves. Selfish....Thanks for reminding me! I'm writting about these similarities because I'm trying to find some road or sign that will say "THIS IS THE RIGHT PATH!" ( Hint: Nothing like that exsists but in your dreams) I just find it interesting that silly things can be connected to another like in the movie my name was said and my birthday was the day she started her blog. In the movie being key I don't know if this was true in real life? Julie Powell despite what she might think is an incrediable woman and good for her doing what she did! I found these similarites in one another, hoping for some answer/thump in the head as to wake up and not be so lost! I understand what it's like to be drowning and I love to swim! 20 years old and already I'm worried about taking the wrong path and being stuck in a rut. 1...2....3....Say it with me....Sad! Yes I know! Julie Powell you lucky woman I am inspired to be compared with you by my own crazy observations. Now I need to go get your book.

P.S If like in the movie your husband is like that in real life. Where can I get one?

Give her a minute....She's late.

A women hasn't seen her best friend the one who makes her feel like she is the only woman in the whole room. They haven't seen eachother in a year she brifely remembers the last time she saw him it could have been the time he surprised her or the time he saw her sitting in the office through the glass window and just smiled and knocked. Those small timeless chit chat smiling meetings run together as are the days. Today of all days she sould of used a joke or two maybe even just a small coversation instead of imanaging it pretending he is right next to her telling her to hang on and keep fighting like the woman he knows would. "You'll do great, You really will." Those words keep running over and over on the repeat button and repeat is not getting old,it hurts but not getting old. She rethinks and presses play and a year away is now not true anymore because he was standing right in front of her. With hurt and despare on her face he knows this is not the same woman he left just 12 months ago, She isn't that same woman although she wants to know where this woman is from time to time. Drained with all the piles of emotional weight on her she turned to him with tears she was holding for one good cry thats all she'll waste was just one cry. But she had a feeling she would cry twice. No more waiting! "I want my heart to be taken care of for a change." she thought to her self. He sat her down "Where is she?" he asked "who?" she was confused "The woman who I left sometime ago." "It was 12 months 2 days and 55 no 56 seconds ago.Thats a hefty time". He was busy she understood. "I want to tell you something I can't let it burn and tare apart my insides anymore, I'll be fucking see through." She faces him with pure unconditional love in her brown eyes and he sees her the woman he left 12 months 2 days and 58 seconds ago it felt so nice to see her for a bit. Where was she 'Please come out and fill all of her hollowness' he knew why she was hurt (part of it) she wanted him more than alot of things but she had to be responsible he saw that but that still didn't take the urge away she wanted him to know something important he knew that too she not only wanted him in every which way shape , form , or position she also loved him. He saw that in her eyes "There she is." he finally said cool and calm like he knew she would come to herself. She was ready to yell it out "I..." DON'T he thought. FUCKING SPIT IT OUT! she thought her mouth started moving again but then a gental finger laid over her lips "shhhh" " no I..." "Shut up! Stop. Listen." Thinking about arguing she gave in "Fine." she said calm not an easy emotion for her. He started "I know what your gonna say. Don't! He saw the tear fall down, 'This was the first cry she thought.' "Don't say it because then you can't take it back and I wouldn't want you to. I don't want to go back. Right now I can't give that to you because its not all there yet but be sure when it is.... all of it yours. I want to give you everything in me." with that said she kept her mouth shut and let the tears keep coming but she had a question. "We are talking about love and my heart your heart here right?" he laughed and said again "There she is,late as always but she's here." she smiled at that with a kiss on the forehead and one for luck on the cheek, he went on his way and she went on hers.

Realize

I want to ring the bell but you would have to ring it first to even know if it can be unrung? I think? Heart ponding and chest exploding I saw your name I know when i see you it will be the same if that day will ever come? Ringing the bell feels incrediable but asking for it to unrung is... it kills you. So my advice don't ring it I know your suppost to live life by the seat of your pants but don't RING IT! I would rather stay and hurt myself and wollo then let anyone tell me to unring my bell I just rang for them. It will be playing it safe and hard but don't ring the bell no matter if your hearts screams at you to. Stay.